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The Five Horses We Meet On Earth
from Horses in the Yard by Joanne Friedman, excerpt from Hoofprints.com.
You can order this book at www.hoofprints.com
1. The Intro Horse
We each came into horses in our own way, but it was always with a horse leading us. This might have been a friend's first pony, or perhaps it was a draft horse on a farm you once visited It might have been a real-life meeting, or an imaginary one. I was escorted to the party by The Black, Walter Farley's star horse in The Black Stallion series...
2. The Experimental Horse
Once you had crossed the line between "Damn, they're big!" and "Wow! Can I try that?" you found yourself face-to-face with the horse that would suffer through your early attempts at figuring out the whole horse experience ... wherever this horse came from, he probably didn't benefit from the encounter as much as you did...
3. The Connected Horse
The first horses we meet don't really connect with us, nor do we with them. Those are experiences in survival and tests of endurance. The Connected Horse is the first horse you truly bond with. This is the horse that sounds a chord that lives so deep in you that you might never have heard it otherwise...
4. The Challenger
Into each horseperson's life, a little challenge must fall. You'll have read that one final training book, bought yourself a clicker and heading rope, and there you'll stand, arms crossed, assessing the situation as if you actually knew what the situation was. It might be difficult to believe, as you are flying down the aisle way on the losing end of a braided cotton line, but you actually need this horse in your life...
5. Your Deepest Heart
There will come a time when you will look at yourself with a cold, appraising eye, and you'll have to be honest about your continued ability to deal with The Challenger and other difficult horses. At that point, you'll seek out the horse that will be your soul mate forever... You'll have bought him the most comfortable, best fitting equipment... Maybe you'll still go to shows and ride - brilliantly or barely - in the Alzheimer's class. Maybe you'll just stay home. Whatever you do, one day you'll realize that after all the money you spent on animal communicators and trainers, you only had to stop and listen and you would have clearly heard your horse's thoughts and desires...
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“I ride”
"My treasures do not chink or glitter, they gleam in the sun and neigh in the night!”
…from an 87 yr old horse woman’s journal
I ride. That seems like such a simple statement. However as many women who ride know... it is really a complicated matter. It has to do with power and empowerment; being able to do things you might once have considered out of reach or ability. I have considered this as I shovel manure, fill water barrels in the cold rain, wait for the vet/farrier/electrician/hay delivery, change a tire on a horse trailer by the side of the freeway, or cool a gelding out before getting down to the business of drinking a cold drink after a long ride.
The time, the money, the effort it takes to ride calls for dedication. At least, I call it dedication. Both my ex-husbands call it 'a sickness.'
It's a nice sickness I've had since I was a small girl bouncing my plastic model horses and dreaming of the day I would ride a real horse. Most of the women I ride with understand that meaning of 'the sickness.' It's not a sport. It's not a hobby. It's what we do and-- in some ways-- who we are as women and human beings.
I ride. I hook up my trailer and load my gelding. I haul to some nice trailhead somewhere, unload, saddle up, whistle up my dog and I ride. I breathe in the air, watch the sunlight filter through the trees and savor the movement of my horse. My shoulders relax. A smile spreads across my weathered face. I pull my floppy hat down and let the real world fade into the tracks my horse leaves in the sand.
Time slows. Flying insects buzz loudly, looking like fairies. My gelding flicks his ears and moves down the trail. I can smell his sweat and it is perfume to my senses. Time slows. The rhythm of his walk and the movement of the leaves become my focus. My saddle creaks and the leather rein in my hand softens with the warmth.
I consider the simple statement: I ride. I think of all I do because I ride. Climb rocky slopes, wade into a lily-pad lake, race a friend across the hayfield... all the while laughing and feeling my heart in my chest. Other days just the act of mounting and dismounting can be a real accomplishment. Still I ride, no matter how tired or how much my sitter bones or any of my other acquired horse-related injuries hurt. I ride. And I feel a lot better for doing so.
I think of the people, mostly women, that I've met. I consider how competent they all are. Not a weenie in the bunch. We haul 40 ft. rigs, we back 'em up into tight spaces without clipping a tree. We set up camp, tend the horses. We cook and keep our camp neat. We understand and love our companion-- our horses. We respect each other and those we encounter on the trail. We know that if you are out there riding, you also shovel, fill, bathe, wait and doctor. Your hands are a little rough and you travel without makeup or hair gel. You do without to afford the 'sickness' and probably, when you were a small girl, you bounced a little model horse while you dreamed of riding a real one.
"My treasures do not chink or glitter, they gleam in the sun and neigh in the night!”
enjoy!
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“Gipsy Gold does not chink or glitter. It gleams in the sun and neighs in the dark.”
-the Gipsies of Galway, Ireland
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Potential Danger of Horse Hair
Submitted by Nancy Reeves
The National Institute of Health has announced the discovery of a potentially dangerous substance in the hair of horses. This substance, called "amobacter equuii" has been linked with the following symptoms in females:
•Reluctance to cook, clean or do housework.
•Reluctance to wear make-up, good clothes or heels.
•Reluctance to spend money on home or car repairs until after "baby has new shoes, pad, blanket, tack, grain, hay & supplements."
"Amobacter equuii" usually results in long hours away from home and exhaustion which may lead to a loss of physical contact with other humans (especially husbands). "Amobacter equuii" is thought to be addictive, driving the need for additional sources - this may lead to a "herd mentality" or like the potato chip commercial, "you can't have just one." (Especially potent if infected from miniature equines) Beware! If you come in contact with a female human infected by this substance, be prepared to talk about horses for hours.
Surgeon General's Warning: Horses are expensive, addictive, and may impair the ability to use common sense. Men infected with amobacter equii develop bow legs, quiet speech and a brim-shaped outline to the head. Other symptoms may include obsessive urge to chase wooden ball, foxhounds or cattle. Particularly dangerous if male infected with a. equii reproduces with female carrier-- chance of children developing disease 99.99%.
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The youth walks up to the white horse, to put its halter on
and the horse looks at him in silence.
They are so silent, they are in another world.
-The White Horse by D. H. Lawrence
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Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit!
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Top Ten Spook List...
#10 Blowing Paper
"At any moment it could whip up into our faces, covering our noses. We could suffocate. And don't try to tell us you'd do CPR."
#9 Barking Dogs
"What? You've never read Steven King's CUJO?"
#8 Puddles of Water
"Quicksand."
#7 Trash Cans
"They've been known to swallow horses and transport them into another dimension."
#6 Babies and L’il Kids
"Long lost tribe of horse-eating pygmies."
#5 Plaid Horse Blankets
"Hey, when was the last time you wore plaid? It adds at least 100 lbs."
#4 Ropes and Hoses on the Ground
"Dreaded North American trail snakes."
#3 Ponies
"Cute, clever, hardy. They want to take over the World."
#2 Windy Days
"Two words: impending tornado.
And the #1 scary thing in the minds of horses?
#1 Carts and Wagons
”Look. You put a human on our backs, we can always buck them off. But hitching a horse to a wheeled object. It's just not right. No matter how fast we trot, the dang cart is still running after us. Oh, the Horror!!!”
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Good Things About Husbands vs The Horses' Advantage
©Gina Keesling, March 24 Newsletter - www.hoofprints.com
Good Things About Husbands
1. Husbands are less expensive to shoe than horses
2. Feeding a husband doesn't require anything that even mildly compares
with the hassle of putting up hay
3. A lame husband can still work
4. A husband with a bellyache doesn't have to be walked
5. Husbands don't try to scratch their heads on your back
6. They are better able to understand puns
7. If they are playing hard to catch, you may be able to run them down on foot
8. They know their name
9. They usually pay their own bills
10. They apologize when they step on your toes
11. No saddle fitting problems
12. They seldom refuse to get into the vehicle
13. They don't panic - running and yelling all through the house when you
leave them alone (unless you've left the kids with them too!)
14. For a nominal fee, you can hire someone else to clip them
15. They don't like the lady next door just as well as you, just because
she fed him for 3 days straight
The Horses' Advantage
1. If they don't work out you can sell them
2. They don't come complete with in-laws
3. You don't have to worry about your children looking like them
4. You never have to iron their saddle pads
5. If you get too fat for one, you can shop for a bigger one
6. They smell good when they sweat
7. You can repair their "clothes" with duct tape
8. It's possible to keep them from "jumping the fence"
9. You can force them to stay in good physical condition with a whip if necessary
10. They don't want their turn at the computer
11. They may turn white with age, but never go bald
12. They have never heard of PMS
13. They learn to accept restraint
14. They don't care what you look like as long as you have a carrot or an apple
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Whinnying is everything!
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Ten Ways To Get In Shape To Own A Horse
1. Drop a heavy steel object on your foot. Don't pick it up right away. Shout "Get off stupid! Get OFF!"
2. Leap out of a moving vehicle and practice "Relaxing into the fall." Roll lithely into a ball, and spring to your feet!
3. Learn to grab your checkbook out of your purse/pocket and write out a $200 check without even looking down.
4. Jog long distances carrying a halter and holding out a carrot. Go ahead and tell the neighbors what you're doing. They might as well know now.
5. Affix a pair of reins to a moving freight train and practice pulling it to a halt. And smile as if you are really having fun.
6. Hone your fibbing skills. "See hon, moving hay bales is fun!" and " I'm glad your lucky performance and multi-million dollar horse won you first place - I'm just thankful that my hard work and actual ability won me second place."
7. Practice dialing your chiropractors number with both arms paralyzed to the shoulder, and one foot anchoring the lead rope of a frisky horse.
8. Borrow the US Army slogan; "Be all that you can be'...add bitten, thrown, kicked, slimed, trampled."
9. Lie face down in the mud in your most expensive riding clothes and repeat to yourself: "This is a learning experience, this is a learning experience,..."
10. Marry Money!
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Things NOT to Say to a Horse Owner ©Gina Keesling - www.hoofprints.com
Riding isn't a sport, the horse does all the work.
If you kept the house as neat as you do the barn,
we wouldn't have to look for things.
Sure, I can ride. I went riding on my vacation two years ago.
Your horse is only worth what someone will pay you for him.
Oh - you're going to breed her...how long will it take her to have a litter?
Gosh - your horse trailer cost more than your house!
Shouldn't that saddle in your front room be in the barn?
Why do you have so many horses? You can only ride one at a time.
Geez- It's ONLY a horse!
____ is old and you don't ride him anyway, why don't you sell him?
Did you know that your horse is foaming at the mouth?
The way you treat that horse, you'd think it was part of your family.
I heard that Dr Phil said that owning a horse is good exercise - for the horse.
Haven't you outgrown that horse "thing" yet?
Any phrase containing the word "hayburner."
If you spent as much time with your husband as you do your horse,
you'd have a happier marriage.
My car/boat/motorcycle just sits in the garage until I need it.
You have a Quarter Horse? Where's the rest of him?
Did you step in something? Your boots stink.
Should you still be riding at your age?
When can we come to ride?
You have to buy hay? Can't they just eat grass?
What, I shouldn't wear flip-flops out to your barn?
Do you have any clothes besides jeans & horse t-shirts?
Why do you take lessons? I thought you knew how to ride.
The baby horse is so cute - (when referring to an aged PONY)
You should show that horse who's boss, then he'll do what you want!
My teen is so lazy. I'll send him/her to your place-
maybe you can get him/her to work!
How many more times are you going to let that horse throw you off
before you give it up?
Do horses really have a personality?
Eew! Horse poop. How do you walk around here
So where do you get all of your money? I know you have money,
cause you've got horses.
Doesn't it hurt when you fall off?
Your barn is cleaner than your house.
Imagine how much money you'd have if you didn't have all these horses to feed!
Why put your vet's/farrier's kids through college? You could be taking a vacation!
Your horse's only talent is stimulating the economy.
You have horses...you must be RICH!
Are you sure he can breathe with that thing (girth) wrapped around his gut?
Why don't you train him to go outside like a dog, instead of in his stall?
How much did you say you paid for those shoes?
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"I've spent most of my life riding horses; the rest I've just wasted."
-unknown
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"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, shouting:
WOO HOO what a ride!"
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You Know You're A Horse Person When...
...your horse gets new shoes more often than you do.
…your mouth waters at the sight of a truck full of hay.
...every time you drive past a road construction sight you think what nice jumps the barricades would make.
...you consider a golf course as a waste of good pasture land.
...your friends no longer ask to get together after school/work or on a weekend because they know you'll say, "I can't, I have to ride."
...you pull a $17,000 horse trailer with a $1,000 pick-up truck.
...you buy duct tape by the case, and carry rolls in your pocketbook, briefcase, backpack, and car trunk.
...you realize finding a horse shoe is truly lucky because you've saved ten bucks.
...your boyfriend complains that you love your horse more than you love him and you say: "And your point is..?"
...someone does something nice for you and you pat them on the neck and say 'good boy'.
...you try to get by someone is a restricted space and instead of saying "excuse me" to him/her, you cluck at them instead.
...you show up for an appointment in your city clothes and when you get there people reach across the table to pick alfalfa out of your hair.
...no one wants to ride in your car because they'll get sweet feed and hay in their socks and on their clothes...but that's ok because you'll have to rearrange all the tack to make room for them anyway!
...you look at all the piles of laundry sitting next to your washing machine and most of them are breeches, horse blankets, saddle pads, etc.... but you don't even care about the horsey hair residue that will be left in your washer and dryer.
...you say "whoa" to the dog.
...your mother, who has no grandchildren, gets cards addressed to Grandma, signed by the horses and dogs.
...you see the vet more than your child's pediatrician.
...you groom your horse daily for hours and you haven't seen a beautician since...?
...someone asks for a screwdriver and you hand them a hoof pick.
...you clean tack after every ride but you never, ever, wash the truck.
...on rainy days, you organize the tack room, not the house.
...you can remember worming schedules, lessons, and farrier visits in your head, but often forget your class schedule, household chores, and meals.
...you are unreasonably pleased to get a horse item, ANY horse item, as a gift.
...you stop channel surfing at Budweiser Clydesdale commercials.
...books and movies are ruined for you if horsemanship references aren't correct.
...you actually get to a point where flies don't bother you that much anymore.
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33 Truths About Horses
1. People who don't take care of their own horses will be the first ones to tell you how to care for yours.
2. You should never buy a cheap girth!
3. A handsome horse who's badly behaved will become much less attractive in about 15 min.
4. People who think they have nothing more to learn about riding, hit nthe ground the hardest.
5. Children and ponies are natural allies and often have identical
dispositions.
6. The richest horse people often look the poorest.
7. The closeness of a horse is one of the sweetest smells in the world.
8. A solitary ride through the woods is more beneficial than six months with the best psychologist.
9. The worse a person rides, the more likely they are going to blame it on the horse.
10. The best thing about going to the barn first thing in the morning is that horses don't care how you look.
11. If a dealer insists a horse is worth twice what he's asking, he's usually worth half that much.
12. The best way to appreciate how another person rides is to get on their horse.
13. I can recognize another horse person no matter what town, city, state, county or country I visit.
14. You can never have too many hoof picks.
15. It is not always wise to argue with something that outweighs you by 1,000 pounds.
16. I'd rather have a horse with a perfect mind than a perfect head.
17. Eight hours is not too long to be in the saddle!
18. If you think you have left the water on in the barn you have; if you think you have closed the pasture gate you haven't.
19. When someone asks you if you like their horse, always say yes.
20. The happiest people I know own horses, dogs, cats and at least one deranged goat.
21. If you're looking for the perfect horse, you will never own one.
22. Owning a horse can either make a marriage or break it.
23. I'd rather lose my Chap Stick than my curb chain.
24. You shouldn't talk about your first place ribbon to someone who came in second.
25. If someone says that horse has a little buck, it has a BIG buck.
26. If we need rain, schedule a show.
27. I've never warmed up to someone who didn't want to walk down to the stables.
28. A clean stable and a sparkling horse are among life's great pleasures.
29. A FREE horse is not a cheap horse.
30. No matter how badly behaved you are, your horse always gives you a second chance.
31. A expensive horse doesn't make a better horse.
32. Nothing emptier than an empty stable.
33. Losing a horse can break your heart, but it will have been worth it.
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“When you come to a fork in the road, take it”
-Yogi Berra
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“The horse knows what you know and he knows what you don't know,
and most people don't know what they don't know,
and if the horse knows what you don't know and you don't know it
you've got a problem and you just don't know it.” -Pat Parelli
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A Horseman's Christmas by Doris Eraldi
It's the night before Christmas, we're out in the barn
Blanketing horses to keep them all warm
They're eating their dinners, tucked in cozy stalls
Not aware that it's Christmas or any special day at all
They can dream of spring pastures from their pine-scented beds
No visions of sugarplums dance in their heads
But we people are thinking of merry parties and such
Maybe feeling a little sad at missing so much
This season is special but the horses don't know
We've got work to do before we can go
We finish the chores and head on inside
To get ready for dinner and our own yuletide
It's nearly midnight, the carols are sung
I remember a story I was told when I was young
How at midnight on Christmas Eve
The creatures of the barnyard can speak to us with ease
I am called to the barn, I wade through the rain
I know I must go, I can't really explain
I slide open the door, pause for a while
Then slowly walk down that dimly lit aisle
A nicker from Casey, a wink from JD
Sleepy old Alibi waking to see
Tucker rustling his bedding, a snort soft and light
Each horse gave a greeting as I walked through the night
I thought about parties bright lit and warm
The ones we don't go to 'cause we have the barn
And vacations and holidays that we don't get
When we're working long hours for bills to be met
Walking all the way to the end of the aisle
I stop to stroke Bonnie, it brings me a smile
She snuffles my face, hot breath on my skin
It starts me to thinking about my horses, my kin
I could be at parties with laughter and mirth
But where I am right now is the best place on Earth.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!!!
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